Veritassem Prank Wars
by kittenkvs
Summary: Several years after the war, Hermione finds herself working as a researcher alongside Draco Malfoy for the Aurror Department that Harry leads for the Ministry. When the other Aurrors take a prank too far, Hermione and Draco retaliate, but Hermione's not showing the ace up her sleeve. Chaos ensues under her careful watch. One shot HPDM


Veritasseum Prank Wars

by kittenvks

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything affiliated with such.

Hermione sighed, taking her own cup of tea from the magical cart that rolled around her working floor of the Ministry. She'd seen Auror Finnegan near it earlier and sniffed her tea gently, dipping her tongue in it before deeming it appropriate. Seamus had had that gleam in his eye, and she knew that someone was being pranked. Each cup had the owner's name on it so it wouldn't be too hard to slip something malcious- most likely from dear old George Weasley and the joke shop. Sighing again, she returned to her desk to wait and watch.

"Hermione, have you seen that report on Frenrir Greyback?" a smooth drawling voice asked from behind her. Hermione smiled, turning in her seat,

"Yes, Draco, it's in the top right drawer of your desk. I put it there this morning."

"Thank you, Hermione," he said cooly, nodding before he swept into his own office. His robes flowed behind him much like Severus Snape's once had. She smiled at that. She wouldn't have ever believed that she'd be partnered with Draco Malfoy of all people- working for the Aurors research Department. Let alone that the two of them would head the department. It did make sense though, she thought, watching him set his own coffee down and flip through a file. They had both been top of their class regularly and not because Draco's father- she shivered a bit here- paid his way. Draco was genuinely intelligent and didn't ever make it look like it came anything less than easy to him.

She scowled, watching him raise his cup to his mouth- freezing still as if in a full body bind. He sniffed the mug gently before scowling at it and putting it back down, raising his wand to banish the entire thing and looking up to meet her eyes. She smiled knowingly, her own eyes drifting off to the Potions Master Certificate he'd kept proudly framed and displayed on the wall behind his blonde head, a tribute to his late godfather. Her eyes drifted across the room, to the other familiar faces on that floor. Draco was too looking in that direction. Seamus, Ron, and Dean all were doing their very best to make it look like they weren't trying to watch Draco. Harry on the other hand was genuinely not watching, buried in paperwork. As head Auror and never having been good with timelines, he was always behind. She clucked her tongue disapprovingly at all of them, even though she knew they couldn't hear her. Had they really been so foolish as to think Draco- a Potions Master like Snape- wouldn't notice a spiked drink.

"Veritasseum," Draco said, startling her. She hadn't heard him come up behind her. Another reminder of Severus. She nodded,

"I'd wondered. I don't think Harry's involved though, Draco, do try to take it easy on them." she replied, turning to face the head of the Malfoy line. Seeming to realize that they were talking about him, like a sixth sense, Harry glanced up- his green eyes questioning. Draco scowled back at him and Harry just grinned before looking down at his paperwork.

Harry and Draco had developed a strange sort of friendship, their bickering turning friendly and driving the others eventually to start pranking each other and Draco. Hermione knew that he enjoyed it, though he pretended he didn't. It made him feel included. She knew that they both secretly enjoyed it greatly when they got the chance to go into the field together, usually Draco helping Harry retrieve a dark artifact of some kind or another. He often tried to harrass Draco into becoming an Auror but he never would, he claimed to just purely enjoy the job he had now, thank you very much. Hermione found that hard to believe, considering that- after a long drawn out battle- Draco had maintained most of the Malfoy fortune after the war. He had no need to work, and wasn't the type to do it just because. She didn't miss the secret glances each boy sent the other when they thought no one (including the object of the glance) was looking. She was the only one who had noticed, out of the entire department and she kept quiet about it, allowing fate to follow it's own course.

"Oh no, the fireworks were pranking, the muggle decorations in my office, the twenty cats they got from Merlin knows where. This... this is war, Hermione. War." Draco said, smirking like he had in school. Hermione just held up her hands, a silent gesture to leave her out of it. Harry, she noticed, was genuinely curious- glancing between the two of them and the snickering Aurors that surrounded him.

"Will you be coming by for the party tonight?" Hermione asked, tilting her head to the side. They had planned a large going away party for Auror Williamson, who was retiring and all the Auror departments had been invited. Draco snickered a bit,

"I had originally planned to spend the night with Blaise, getting smashed. I do think I'm going to have to cancel on him though, and attend. I will most certainly be here. With bells on."

Hermione wore a smirk of her own, something she'd picked up from the Slytherin after working side by side for years. She nodded in understanding. Draco would have his revenge and she would let him. Veritasseum *was* going a bit far after all. There was no telling how they'd planned to use it and, judging by the disgruntled look on Draco's face when he'd smelled it, she guessed it was a high dosage. They had hoped to embarrass him at the party tonight. She would of course be there early, with her camera. The Christmas party was next week and a photo of Draco's crowning moment would be the perfect gift.

"I suspect you'll be leaving early then?" she asked, trying to look shocked at something he had said. They were watching afterall. Draco fell into the routine immediately, this wasn't the first time they'd acted together- with all the pranks being pulled. He did his best to look mortified, even going so far as to toss his hand up to cover his mouth.

"Yes, I will. I have to have quite a bit of time to prepare afterall." Draco replied and then did his best to look exasperated at what he'd said. Hermione couldn't help but giggle at his antics, which only further spurred their act. Draco looked up, past her head and became very nervous- she wasn't sure if that was a part of the act or not and glanced over her shoulder. Harry was approaching them quickly, looking irritated.

"Did they do something ridiculous?" He asked, waving his arm back at the other Aurors who all suddenly became very interested in the stacks of parchments on their desks.

"I'm not at liberty to say," Hermione said, as Harry turned back to them. The other Aurors glanced back up, watching again once Harry's back was turned.

"Well, judging by the school girl style giggles and snickering they're doing- they've either done something or they're about to," he eyed Draco carefully who now appeared to be very antsy, "you okay, Malfoy?"

"Yes! Mind your business Potter, no questions!" Draco said quickly and a bit louder than what would have been needed. Harry scowled,

"what's going on? What did they do?"

"Er... I don't know exactly, Potter. Excuse me, I'm needed at home!" Draco said, appearing to be very nervous. Hermione made a mental note to tell him that if he ever had to he could still make a lot of money in muggle acting. He would probably be a bit offended at first but would grow to like the idea. Draco turned and quickly rushed from the office in a very un-Malfoy fashion. Hermione sipped her tea thoughtfully.

"Is he okay, Herms?" Harry asked, watching as Draco disappeared.

"I honestly don't know, Harry, I don't know."

That afternoon they all began gathering at a room they'd rented just for the occasion of Williamson's party. It was tastefully decorated and most were dressed in their best. Hermione had worn a floor length purple dress and pulled her hair into a quick bun. Everyone was there except for Draco.

"Where's your partner, Mione?" Ron asked, glancing around at all the people gathered there.

"Yes, how is dear Draco these days?" Seamus asked, grinning mischieviously.

"Ah- he seemed a bit strange at the office and then had to go... he said he would definitely be here though. He's probably just fashionably late." Hermione replied, watching as Harry strolled across the room, wearing a casual black suit and emerald green shirt. She smiled softly at him, shaking her head a bit. There really was nothing that could be done for the mess of black hair and it wasn't because they hadn't tried. She marvelled for a moment in the fact that not only had no one noticed the Potions Master certificate in Draco's office, but they hadn't seen him slipping out of the kitchens, cloak drawn over his tell tale hair not fifteen minutes earlier.

"There's our boy!" Dean said laughing, sipping the pumpkin juice that had just arrived. Seamus seemed to be figuring out how to spike all of it too, most likely with alcohol this time.

Draco smiled as he approached, bowing a bit at Hermione. She returned the gesture, sipping the tea she had brought from home. She wasn't sure she wanted to drink anything at that party that night. He smirked, having taken notice of this,

"Hermione, you look absolutely lovely!"

"Oi! Malfoy! Quit oggling my wife!" Ron said playfully, glancing around the room. As expected, the others were approaching, circling like vultures.

"You look rather dashing yourself Draco!" Hermione said, laughing at both Ron's comment and the unafraid, defiant look Draco was giving her. His looks spoke volumes once you got used to them. Draco took a glass of pumpkin juice from a tray as it passed and turned it to his lips, but Hermione noticed he wasn't drinking it. Now she knew what to avoid.

"How are you, Draco?" Seamus asked in a sickeningly sweet tone.

"A bit uncomfortable, like a snake in the lions den," Draco lied. Seamus smirked, casting knowing looks at his fellow co-conspirators. Something else Harry missed. Hermione inwardly groaned. WHen this was over she was going to have to talk to him about his lack of attention.

"Problems at home all taken care of?" Harry asked, eyeing Draco instead of the others.

"Yes, thank you for your concern, Potter," Draco replied, blatantly searching the crowd to look as though he was avoiding Harry.

"Harry, you look rather nice tonight yourself," Dean said, approaching them quickly, "as do you, Malfoy." Harry blushed a bit and looked uncomfortable as did Draco before "attempting" to gain his composure,

"I always do," he said, smirking. Hermione bit down on her tongue to keep from laughing, what was he up to now. Dean and Seamus eyed Draco carefully before giving each other knowing looks.

"Seriously guys, don't start your trouble. If I have to pull you two off of any of the other Aurors tonight, I swear I'll give you all my extra paperwork. I'll not have a repeat of our last get together," Harry said laughing.

"Oh, no, Harry- we've not been drinking tonight have we Ron?" Seamus purred. Ron nodded and Hermione snickered, watching Draco check the time.

"No, they haven't, mate. Honestly," Ron said, putting an arm around Hermione's waist.

"You really do just look amazing, Harry," Seamus said and Draco gave him a withering look that Hermione found to be very real- not a part of his act. She frowned inwardly, this was apparently going to be a well layed out plan. She had never seen him blatantly show his true feelings where anyone could see them.

"Yes, I'd agree," Dean added, nodding, "wouldn't you say so Draco?" Well. They'd wasted no time in showing what they wanted.

"Ravishing." Draco replied, before side stepping the group quickly, walking a bit too quickly to get to the table where the snacks were being served. All of the boys quickly glanced at each other, snickering and Harry just seemed flustered.

"Draco," Hermione called, crossing the room behind him and knowing they would all follow her. They, of course, did. She got there first and was very careful to only eat what Draco ate. Just in case. "Are you feeling alright, Draco?" she asked as they again surrounded them, "you seemed a bit flustered earlier."

"I'm fine, thank you. I do feel a bit... odd, but I'm sure it will pass," Draco said, nodding his head to her- a thank you for helping. She smiled brightly back, her 'they deserve what they get' smile. She'd warned them time and time again not to get on the blonde's bad side.

"Ravishing, Malfoy, really? Are you drunk?" Harry asked, peering at the blonde curiously.

"Nope, completely sober right now, Potter. Yes, ravishing. That green shirt really brings out your eyes," Draco replied nervously, causing the others to snicker.

"Pants make your arse look nice too, Harry, wouldn't you say so Draco?" Seamus asked, waggling his eyebrows. Only Hermione noticed Draco's growl. So this was what they were up to- they'd noticed the looks Draco gave Harry as well Hermione thought. They were going to try to drive a rift between them. Save Harry from the Slytherin, she could tell that was their thinking. They had been oblivious to Harry doing the same thing. Now Hermione was angry as she turned to see Draco's response,

"Indeed, very nice." So, he wasn't going to give in either, allowing them to out him to get his own revenge. He checked the time again and smirked. Five minutes. Veritasseum would have taken a complete hold by now. He'd returned the favor. She snorted a bit, nearly choking on her tea.

"You okay?" Draco asked. She nodded,

"Yes, hmm. Excuse me," she said, coughing, "choked a bit." and she could tell they thought she'd done it due to Draco's response to Seamus' question. Harry was showing his Gryffindor colors now, bright red with embarrassment and a bit of curiousity. He realized now, or was hoping Draco wasn't being a sarcastic but Hermione knew he wouldn't press the issue. She decided to spur the thing forward herself, "are you drinking pumpkin juice as well, Harry?" she asked.

"Yes," he replied, looking strangely at her. He'd meant to merely nod, she could tell but hadn't had a choice but to answer. She placed a hand comfortingly on his shoulder, "you all look rather attractive tonight. I wish you could do something with your hair though, Harry," she sighed, "all of you anyway. Honestly, Draco's the only refined looking gentleman here. That shirt really brings out the silver in your eyes, dear, wouldn't you agree Harry?" she asked. Draco blanched a bit, fixing his trademark glare on her quickly- realizing where she was going. He was pleading with her to stop but she merely smirked back.

"Certainly, they're very pretty, Malfoy- a bit like mercury." and, with that, Harry was so concerned with why he'd actually said that that he would be easily manipulated. Draco coughed, shooting Hermione a questioning glance and trying to figure out her own plan. She hadn't really ever paricipated in the prank wars.

"I think so too, Harry!" she said, "in fact, I'm glad you noticed. I think there's a lot about Draco you lot haven't noticed," she added, looking around at the other smirking Gryffindors. They still hadn't realized Draco's plan, didn't know Harry was telling the truth. Only she and Draco knew and he seemed very confused, obviously losing control of his own plan due to Harry's revelation. Well, Hermione thought, I'll just have to help him out. "Let's all have a seat over here shall we? Draco, you too, come along." she said, corralling them all at a nearby table. She'd never seen Draco or Harry look so uncomfortable and it only fuelled her anger.

"So you find Harry fetching do you, Draco?" Ron asked, and Hermione nearly slapped him. He was sleeping on the couch for a while.

"Yes," Draco ventured, looking to hermione for assistance. She ignored him. Harry sank down in his seat, clearly not understanding what was going on and becoming miserable. He obviously thought Draco was mocking him. She scowled.

"So, tell me Dean, how long have you and Seamus been shagging in the Auror Department at night?" Hermione asked, keeping her tone conversational. Everyone blanched and turn to stare at her except Draco who looked greatful.

"Two weeks," Dean replied, looking horrified at Harry who was now looking rather miffed,

"what?!"

"Oh yes, and Ron, how long have you been putting off the Greyback case when you've clearly had time? A month?"

"and a half," Ron muttered, looking as though he'd meant to refute her statement and then betrayed himself accidentally. He sank back in his chair, avoiding Hermione's pointed glare. Draco seemed to recover himself then and gave her a grateful look for drawing the attention away from himself, but she wasn't finished.

"Accio plaque," Hermione said, holding her hand out as Draco's Potions Master certificate flew into her hand. "You know who I've been thinking about a lot today? Severus Snape," she said conversationally, holding the plaque so no one could see it. "He was a very brave and clever man, excellent with Potions- was he not?" They all agreed and she nodded, "he also had a godson, did you know that?" she asked, there was a chorus of nos except for Draco and Harry who both said yes. Draco shot Harry a questioning look and everyone else seemed to look frightened.

"I believe," Draco said, eyeing the plaque carefully and looking sad for a moment before recovering, "that you had a bit of a serious crush on my godfather, didn't you Seamus?"

"Who?" Seamus asked, genuinely not putting two and two together.

"You wanked off to Severus Snape?!" Harry asked, looking scandalized.

"Yes, regularly." Seamus said, looking as though he were going to deny it. Dean shot his boyfriend an angry look. Hermione began to laugh and they all turned to stare at her,

"Just so you know, I was right. I've told you all a hundred times that you weren't being safe enough. You never observe your surroundings, not really. Not one of you do. You let things just slide by, right in front of your face." she stood, turning the certificate so they could see it, "what is this, Dean?"

"A Potions Master Certificate," Dean replied miserably, covering his face and looking ashamed as he realized what was going on.

"Yes, quite. And Ron, who's name is on it?"

"Draco Malfoy." Ron muttered, looking like a petulant child.

"Indeed it does!" she said, glaring at all of them, "Draco Lucius Malfoy, interesting. The godson of Severus Snape himself, and you lot honestly thought that you would get veritasseum by on him?!" They all hung their heads and she nodded, looking appeased, "Let's just pretend for a moment that Harry had asked Draco to interrogate someone like Frenrir Greyback? What if he'd given out important information, top secret information to someone like that just because you lot wanted to act like children?!" she snapped, standing back. Harry appeared to be livid with the whole lot of them and was fuming.

"Hermione-" Ron tried.

"No! I am not finished. This will go no further, as I'm sure Draco's brought the antecdote. Not only did not one of you, NOT ONE, notice that he was a Potions Master but you didn't notice the Veritasseum he put in your own drinks. You're all ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous! Trying to humiliate Draco, you've only humiliated yourselves, and poor Harry who had no idea anything was even going on. You should be absolutely ashamed and every single one of you had better apologize to him- *profusely*- by tomorrow or I will *personally* hex you each into next week! Draco, where is the antectdote?"

"At their desks at the Ministry," Draco replied. She nodded.

"Ron, Seamus, Dean- go. Get your antecdote's and I'd advice you to go quickly before I hex you all!" The three men did as they were told under her motherly glare and sulked off to the nearby Floos. "Honestly!" she cried, sitting down. Draco pulled another phial from his robes, handing it to Harry.

"Made extra, just in case. There you go, Potter."

"I'm sorry, Harry, I didn't realize what they were doing." Hermione said, sitting down, "or I'd have stopped it before hand." She shot him an apologetic look as he downed the phial and it disappeared, no doubt an enchantment Draco had placed on it.

"They're all going to drown in red tape and paperwork for the next month if they're not suspended," he croaked, covering his face with his hand.

"Oh, you two are not exempt from my wrath," Hermione snapped, coming to a standing position again and banishing Draco's certificate back where it came from, "neither of you is under Veritasseum now though you've both told the truth tonight. Quite frankly, I'm sick of you two circling each other and neither of you noticed it. You're just as daft as they are. You were obviously meant for eachother, and seriously just need to go somewhere and shag!" she stormed off with that one, dress waving a bit behind her.

The next day as everyone arrived and began work, Ron Seamus and Dean all groaned and protested at their desks, now covered with Harry's paperwork and all the cases he'd been behind on them. They each had a note from Harry threatening further action if it wasn't done by the end of the week. Hermione glanced around from her desk as two owls came in, one informing her that Draco and Harry had taken the week off, and the other from Draco with only two words. 'Thank you'.


End file.
